pains

there's a soreness in my right forearm
like after having a bad charlie's horse

i can't do anything about it

it's more annoying than painful

i looked at the scale the other morning

and started crying

because i lost 10 pounds

from being so sad

i can't steal clothes anymore

because nothing appeals to me

i can barely dress myself some mornings

i don't think i'm bleeding anymore

sometimes i'm too scared to check

sometimes i'll hold it

so i don't have to know

this morning i woke up

and i didn't know how old i was

or what year it was again

strange but pleasant things have been happening

since i actively tried to stop talking to you

and you texted me today to check on me

maybe because you care or something

it was more annoying than painful