thoughts

sometimes i want to be healthy
so i can be happy
and laugh
and talk to people
without thinking
too much

sometimes i don't
so i can fuck up
and live
in this world
between living and
dying

if i am healthy
will i still have things to 
write about?
will i still be
interesting?

and if i am not
maybe i will create something
beautiful

instead of trying
and failing
and trying
and failing
to make myself
beautiful